Amazing

You know as I sit here listening to Amazing by Kanye West Ft. Young Jeezy it makes me realize something. You know what, I have been through alot and yet here I stand, a good career which I did not have to go to school for and be in alot of debt and yet here I still stand, accomplished.

Everyone said to succeed I would have to leave Talkeetna to do it. You know what, they were right. The last thing my mentor said to me was that he was proud to see me grow up and become who I am and although I am not a religious person, I like to think that he is looking down at me now. Is he? Who knows. But its a nice thought.

I have been at the bottom, having to do illegal things to get by to eat and pay bills. Do I like this? No. But it has helped me shape me into the person I am today. It made me hard when I was soft and tough when I was weak. I never though I would cuss out a convicted felon who was incarcerated for killing someone but I did. And you know what, it shows that I have become more then I would of ever been back home.

As much as I miss Talkeetna and I am looking forward to going back. I don't think people are going to see the same Dylan as when they left. And I don't know if they are ready for it. Maybe its my ego thinking I am a bad-ass but honestly, I am not that shy guy who would do anything for anyone cause I was so nice. No, I am still nice but I don't get pushed around by people. If I have an issue with you, we are going to talk about it.

And yes as people who read the last note know, life in the romantic front is not going well for me. But I can't do anything about it. And as much as it may hurt, I know the reasons and if you truly care for the person then you will let them go if they want. As much as it hurts.

Which I will now come back around full circle. When once I was a follower, I am now a leader. I take charge when it is needed and can be the loudest voice if needed. I have always been told I was smart and I never took it into account till recently. Now I embrace it. And it shows how amazing life can be once you realize something like that.

I may not have the best common sense and I will be the first to admit that but I am working on it. Give me time and hey, who knows what will happen. If I actually think before I act, holy shit the world better watch out. I always thought IQ was a stupid number, now I can tell who has a lower IQ and I just don't deal with them. Well, most people.

In the end, through this all up to this date, I have learned that I have done amazing things, seen amazing things and will continue to do amazing things and hopefully everyone that wants to will be able to come along for the ride.

Relationships

So once again, I seemed to have messed up again. I once again found someone who I liked alot and then once again, I get the oh its not you its me line. Well in essence. Details will be sparring but lets just say once again I got the "oh your an amazing guy who makes me feel wanted but I feel like I am not putting a good effort in."

Why do women not get that if I had an issue with it, believe me we would talk. But alas no one ever listens. So I am told I am a amazing guy and blah blah blah. Yet if that was the case, why am I being left? What did I do wrong? I am not necessarily looking for a marriage and all that right now but how bad is it to want to roll over in the morning and being able to text someone good morning and ask how they are doing? I mean, do I have to be a dick to get what I want?

I am not the type of guy who goes out and looks to get laid at the bars and such. I mean its not my style. Yet I see friends of mine who are happy with that. Why am I not happy with doing that? Am I too mature for that? Or did I get brought up differently? I mean I think my upbringing does have something to do with it but honestly, I see no need to fuck every lady that comes my way.

All I want in life is someone who I can call and talk to and who I can ask how they are and they get a smile from hearing from me. Is that too hard to find? Am I impatient? Possibly. Do I want everything right away? Yeah on most things. But at the end of the day, I want a girl I can talk to and cuddle with and actually feel wanted. It was nice for this past month feeling wanted.

Now.......................... Who knows.